It’s the most magical time of the year again! No, not bloody Christmas– Blizzcon! For Blizzard Entertainment fans around the world, it’s our gentle reminder that we’re not allowed to have money… and you know what? That’s okay. It really is. I’ll be pre-purchasing Legion any day now. Seriously, I am excited for all the things. ALL. THE. THINGS. Don’t ask me why, but I’m only able to play games produced by Blizzard relatively well. Don’t even get me started on my Spirit Beast collection. If you can’t tell, I love Blizzard. Like, A.LOT. Anyway.
For a good portion of the US, temps are starting to fall and leaves are changing color. Fall is here which means comfort food time.So really, it was a wonderful convenience that my work is having a chili cook-off tomorrow. What did I decide to make? Well…
Incidentally, WoW’s Dragonbreath Chili recipe calls for a 200 cooking skill to make and the skill cap is currently 700. That’s about how difficult this is to make IRL- 200/700. And really, that’s because of the peppers. Those damn peppers… I don’t want to talk about it. Nope. This is not your momma’s chili. This is not your daddy’s chili. There are no beans in this chili, because beans have no business in chili.
Ready? Leeeeeeeeeeeroyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…… JEEEEENKINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (For the uninitiated, educate yourself:)
Behold the first Skill Up Skillet recipe to physically kick my ass: Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes! This recipe was recently requested by longtime reader, teacher, and friend Laura. Would now be a good time to mention the only seafood I’ve handled up until now has been restricted to fish fingers and imitation crab sticks? As always, like an idiot, challenge accepted. For those of you not familiar with Headcrabs, these things are horrifying. According to the Half-Life Wiki:
Headcrabs are a parasitic species. Upon sighting a humanoid host, a headcrab will leap for the victim’s face and affix itself to the cranium, whereupon they will use their beak to break into the victim’s skull. The Headcrab then proceeds to take over its host’s motor functions through some unknown biological process.
Yes, these scary fuckers essentially transform their host into a zombie. Beyond horrifying, right? An unbiased review of this recipe for harmless (but spicy) crab cakes might call for a Skillet Level 2 difficulty, but considering I’m missing a moderate amount of flesh from one of my fingers, well…
In return for this inspiration from hell, I named my blister ‘Laura’. Want to have a cooking-related bodily injury named after you? Contact me for details. Anyway.