Oi. My apologies for the late post. Though it is Friday, I can attest that the cake is not a lie! As promised, I created an epic Portal Cake for this year’s birthday festivities (read: I spent all day making this cake and NOTHING ELSE). This classic Portal Cake recipe is chock full of decadent dark chocolate, sweet cherries, and creamy homemade whipped cream frosting. That’s right; it’s a black forest cake! Sounds too good to be true, right? Not so. A little elbow grease and a lot of patience will give you the cake of your dreams.
Yes, I see the scary Four Skillet rating up there. It’s not horrifically challenging, but it does take time and effort to make the frosting. And have you ever shaved a bar of baking chocolate with a vegetable peeler? It’s kind of a tedious and messy pain in the ass.
Alas, it’s worth it. It’s so, so worth it. Ready? Let’s go.
Behold the first Skill Up Skillet recipe to physically kick my ass: Half-Life Headcrab Crab Cakes! This recipe was recently requested by longtime reader, teacher, and friend Laura. Would now be a good time to mention the only seafood I’ve handled up until now has been restricted to fish fingers and imitation crab sticks? As always, like an idiot, challenge accepted. For those of you not familiar with Headcrabs, these things are horrifying. According to the Half-Life Wiki:
Headcrabs are a parasitic species. Upon sighting a humanoid host, a headcrab will leap for the victim’s face and affix itself to the cranium, whereupon they will use their beak to break into the victim’s skull. The Headcrab then proceeds to take over its host’s motor functions through some unknown biological process.
Yes, these scary fuckers essentially transform their host into a zombie. Beyond horrifying, right? An unbiased review of this recipe for harmless (but spicy) crab cakes might call for a Skillet Level 2 difficulty, but considering I’m missing a moderate amount of flesh from one of my fingers, well…
In return for this inspiration from hell, I named my blister ‘Laura’. Want to have a cooking-related bodily injury named after you? Contact me for details. Anyway.
A couple of months ago I was contacted by one of my readers requesting a Toad cake from Mario. Of course I couldn’t refuse! Now, cake is pretty awesome; you can never go wrong with cake. But how does one take cake to the next level? What really makes cake ‘the bomb’? Bombe cake! But what exactly is a bombe? According to research a la Google:
noun: bombe; plural noun: bombes
a frozen dome-shaped dessert.
a dome-shaped mold in which a bombe is made.
These ultra cute Toad bombes have a hard candy shell hat filled with two different kinds of mousse, Nutella and (because it’s summer and I’m craving fruit) peach. Not only do they look super fancy, they’re easy to make, too! Ready? Let’s go.
I know what you’re thinking- “This isn’t on the schedule!” Technically, you’d be right. However, shortly before starting on this week’s recipe we received our July IndieBox in the mail. July’s indie game? Guacamelee! As always, IndieBox serves up an excellent game with awesome special features. July’s box comes complete with the Guacamelee game in a nifty credit card/usb form, two stickers (luchador mask sticker not pictured; the boy just had to stick it on his PC tower), soundtrack (so you know it’s good), instruction manual, temporary tattoo, felted chicken magnet, shot glass, and… do you see what I see?
Ladies and gentlemen, geeks and gamers, we have a recipe! That’s right, what we have here is a recipe for the World’s Greatest Enchiladas. But are they really deserving of the title? Let’s find out.
Did you know there are virtually no candies out in the world commemorating materia from Final Fantasy VII? Seriously. Look it up: “materia candy”. You will find some really sexy looking marbled chocolates retailing for ~$30 USD. That’s it. And while they look amazing, I’m looking for something a little more… affordable. And while we’re revisiting one of the most beloved RPG’s ever, why not do it with an additional blast from the past: button candy! The little sugary hard candy drops that always stuck to the damn paper, remember? Well. Guess what? These homemade candy buttons don’t stick to the damn paper. For the most part. Like maybe 1 in 100 will stick a bit. That’s it. And that’s worth it. I went with three colors of materia (Red/Summoning, Yellow/Support, Green/Magic), but you can get as complex with this as you’d like (blue would look amazing). I’ll also be uploading my candy button template later on today. Just save and print! Ready? Let’s go. Continue reading Materia Candy Buttons: Final Fantasy Comes To Life!→
Is the cake a lie or not? Today it is, but these slushies will get you one week closer to the fabled cake. (Well of course it’s going to be my birthday cake, what did you think?) Portal and Portal 2 are a couple of my favorites, just don’t ask me to play them. For some reason my brain just will not process many of the puzzles presented in the games. I don’t know why, I just can’t. It’s fun to watch others play though. But you know what I can wrap my head around? These slushies! So easy to make, and only two ingredients:
1. Liquid (if liquid = Sprite)
2. Crack (if crack = Skittles)
These slushies are bright and fruity with just a tingle of carbonation on the tongue. The best part? You only need your refrigerator. That’s right; no processing, no blending, no crushing, nothing. Plus, with summer heating up these are the perfect thing. Ready? Let’s go.
At long last (and after 15 hours of decorating) I give you the mother of all cakes: the Minecraft TNT Block Cake. All will bask in its splendor. (I have had two hours of sleep and I want to die a little.) As always, I will be the first to admit to you that I fucked up. Several times, in fact. However, the end result is nothing short of spectacular. Worth repeating? Sure, but not any time soon. I should have known when the craft and grocery store cashiers gave me a spirited pep talk that I was in for it. Do I ever learn?
What makes this cake so challenging, you ask?
The scale. This. Cake. Is. Massive.
Decoration, decoration, decoration.The fondant work is nothing short of intense.
The recipe used for this cake is a red velvet cake recipe with cream cheese frosting. Unfortunately, I’m an idiot and replaced liquid food coloring with gel food coloring because I listened to other people instead of following my instincts. That… is the only significant fuck-up you’ll notice. However, I did end up with a rather lovely, light and fluffy cake so I can’t even be mad. It’s just… not red. Oh bloody well. The flavor is outstanding and the frosting is perfectly creamy, spreadable, and delicious. Even the store-bought fondant (which I’ve never used before in my life) was relatively easy to work with. Even after all the math.
Yes, you read correctly: this cake requires math. It’s not particularly challenging math but it is annoying and repetitive. But hey, if I can do it, absolutely you can do it too.
Unfortunately a little late this week. Looking for more 4th of July appropriate recipes? I think Captain America Fruit Pizza would be right up your alley.
I am working on it I swear. Do you see this nonsense? This is a four layer, 9″ square homemade Cake of Doom, with extra special homemade Cream Doom Frosting. This is seriously a behemoth of a cake. Cake-fucking-zilla, if you will. What do you even do with this much cake? Why did I make this much cake? Was I on drugs? Seriously, though, this is a big ass cake. The fondant bit is going to take me a minute. You are going to have to deal with that. I do intend to finish this today. And there will be pyrotechnics.
Okay, seriously though: What do you do with this much cake?
As you may know, Thursday’s post was Herobrine’d. At the time I called a Category 1 Herobrine, raged a little, and promised a replacement recipe within 24 hours. To be fair, I wasn’t lying. Then things got worse. By ‘worse’, I mean that Skill Up Skillet may be forced to go on an indefinite hiatus due to a possible financial crisis. It’s complicated. Anyway, I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to ensure this does not happen. I will not shut down without a fight.
So, about that replacement recipe. Remember the Zelda Health Potion? Did you make it? Chances are that if you did, you sucked that soup right down without using the fresh garnishing strawberries. But that’s okay, neither did I. It was ridiculously delicious, right? Anyway, here’s my solution to that problem: Chocolate Covered Batman Strawberries, or simply Batman Berries! Naturally, these are dark chocolate covered berries because, come on. Batman. This should really be self explanatory. You could use milk chocolate, sure, but you’d be doing yourself a disservice.
Also, the new Batman game came out. You should probably get in on that. Let me know if it’s any good; I can’t afford it at the moment. Get me HYPED UP. Ready?
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na LET’S GO.
Looking for a unique health potion alternative? Put your clicker-finger down; you’ve found it! This wonderful thing you see before you is a chilled strawberry soup you never knew you were dreaming of. What’s better, it’s my variation of the Disney World strawberry soup recipe from the Grand Floridian hotel. Short story time? Short story time:
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away (or Florida, year 2000) Little Leisel and her parents went on a Disney Dream Vacation. Highlights of said trip include (but are not limited to):
Tower of Terror
Dad sneaking off the cruise ship in the middle of the night to go on a Grand Adventure in the Bahamas. This is also called, “Bribing a local to take you around on the hunt for certain Special Cigars”.
my first (and only) toe ring
Fifteen years later, I still think this soup is the best soup in the world. And I don’t even particularly like soup. I ended up making two batches of this out of convenience (what the hell else do you do with 5 pounds of frozen strawberries?). This can and will outfit a respectable RPG group. Sure, health potions are featured in most every game out there, but today felt like a Legend of Zelda day. Want more Triforce in your day? I think I have just what you’re looking for.
Are you ready for this? I don’t think you are. I don’t think you can handle this. Eff it, let’s go.