I admit it: I’ve been depressed. Hellishly so, you might say. As such, my efforts in the kitchen of late have been… less than stellar. Lackluster. Nonexistent. I haven’t baked anything at all in a month. Would you forgive me for chocolate? Well, how about chocolate chocolate chip? From scratch?
There we go; that’s the ticket.
The Assassin’s Creed series is one of my favorite games/series that I am incapable of playing. Top Ten material, probably. With its rich storylines and gameplay I could watch someone play it for days. Also, if I could lose about half my body weight and wear Assassin’s garb full time… Yeah. That’d be great.
Today’s the day. We’ve all been waiting for what seems like forever. Star Wars: Episode VII is finally in theaters! Admittedly, today I woke up on the dark side of the bed after very little sleep and the realization sinking in that I have to scale back on my geeky recipes. Luckily, I soon discovered that I could Awaken the Force and my day with a generous stack of Banana Chocolate Death Star Waffles. They’re quick, they’re easy, they’re a real crowd-pleaser, AND they’re made from scratch! Say what?
Just like that, I was back in celebration mode. New Star Wars, themed waffles, and my first blogging anniversary? Suddenly I’m bursting with energy and enthusiasm! Or is that the banana slices and chocolate chips?
First: I’m dreadfully sorry about last week. Unfortunately I was unable to publish a new recipe due to some pretty wicked gastrointestinal issues. On a related note, who the actual fuck washes their dishes with straight bleach? I ask you.
I have a special treat for you this week: Chocolate custard dotted with cherries from the Hunger Games. Though only mentioned in passing, this dessert sounded so good it demanded to be made. That, and do you have any idea how much lamb costs?! I was not about to make the lamb-and-plum stew. We’ll talk about that when I get a raise or three. Good? Good.
As of now I’m making two batches of each recipe weekly; one for the blog and house, and one for a friend to take to work. Now that’s what I call job security! Stay tuned at the end of the post for the actual test message conversation about just how well the custard was received.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know Fallout 4 is coming out next week. Of course that means I’m making a special treat! Are you prepared to set out for the wastelands and lay waste to zombies and irradiated flora and fauna? If your answer is not yes, you’re lying. But wait! Don’t go without a Mississippi Quantum Pie! Loosely based on a Mississippi mud pie, this recipe is decked out in three layers of delicious chocolate, topped off with a healthy dose of Nuka Cola Quantum-blue frosting and bottle cap candy.
Oh, did I mention the chocolate cake layer is Coca Cola cake? Boom.
Even better, I’ll be whipping up a second batch to share at the midnight launch at the Bridgewater Falls GameStop in Hamilton, Ohio. If you haven’t preordered your copy yet, well, you know which store to choose! Come out and see me; I promise I’m even more socially awkward in person. There should be a post up early next week for the event, along with some special behind-the-scenes pictures. Ready? Let’s go.
Skill Up Skillets month of Nightmare Before Christmas continues with a mouthwatering reverse whoopie pie recipe- a white cake cookie on the outside with rich, decadent chocolate on the inside. What’s even better, the center is filled with two different kinds of chocolate: homemade creamy chocolate ganache and a chocolate-chocolate chip whipped cream. The itty bitty Jack Skellington faces turned out to be rather adorable, and they’re so easy to make! Why are you not in the kitchen already?!
Don’t forget to head over to CuppaGeek to see what she has to offer for some spooky good Halloween teas. They’re simply to die for! Yes, I’m very punny, thank you very much. I think her Pumpkin King tea review would be spot-on for this recipe!
After a hysterical conversation with one of my international friends I learned that whoopie pies are an American thing. Seriously, I’d post the whole conversation here if I didn’t think she would hop on a plane to Ohio and beat me senseless with a rolling pin or something. A whoopie pie is a US baked good that is made of two round mound-shaped pieces of chocolate cake, or sometimes pumpkin or gingerbread cake, with a sweet, creamy filling or frosting sandwiched between them. You can learn more about whoopie pies here, if you’d like.
Boys and girls of every age… wouldn’t you like to bake something strange (and wonderful)?
Oi. My apologies for the late post. Though it is Friday, I can attest that the cake is not a lie! As promised, I created an epic Portal Cake for this year’s birthday festivities (read: I spent all day making this cake and NOTHING ELSE). This classic Portal Cake recipe is chock full of decadent dark chocolate, sweet cherries, and creamy homemade whipped cream frosting. That’s right; it’s a black forest cake! Sounds too good to be true, right? Not so. A little elbow grease and a lot of patience will give you the cake of your dreams.
Yes, I see the scary Four Skillet rating up there. It’s not horrifically challenging, but it does take time and effort to make the frosting. And have you ever shaved a bar of baking chocolate with a vegetable peeler? It’s kind of a tedious and messy pain in the ass.
Alas, it’s worth it. It’s so, so worth it. Ready? Let’s go.
As you may know, Thursday’s post was Herobrine’d. At the time I called a Category 1 Herobrine, raged a little, and promised a replacement recipe within 24 hours. To be fair, I wasn’t lying. Then things got worse. By ‘worse’, I mean that Skill Up Skillet may be forced to go on an indefinite hiatus due to a possible financial crisis. It’s complicated. Anyway, I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to ensure this does not happen. I will not shut down without a fight.
So, about that replacement recipe. Remember the Zelda Health Potion? Did you make it? Chances are that if you did, you sucked that soup right down without using the fresh garnishing strawberries. But that’s okay, neither did I. It was ridiculously delicious, right? Anyway, here’s my solution to that problem: Chocolate Covered Batman Strawberries, or simply Batman Berries! Naturally, these are dark chocolate covered berries because, come on. Batman. This should really be self explanatory. You could use milk chocolate, sure, but you’d be doing yourself a disservice.
Also, the new Batman game came out. You should probably get in on that. Let me know if it’s any good; I can’t afford it at the moment. Get me HYPED UP. Ready?
Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na LET’S GO.
This week I was faced with a hard truth: Our budget did not have any wiggle room this week to pick up any blog related ingredients. I was tasked with making something quick and easy with ingredients we had on hand. Something low key.
In a recent magazine I happened upon an ice cream cake roll, which was the original inspiration for this dish. Sure, I had ice cream, but you can’t have it. Fat Kid Has Spoken. How would you like a classy looking Zerg Cake Roll instead? You would, eh? (Good, because I didn’t make anything else.)
So, what is a ‘Zerg’, anyway? The Zerg are an insect-like alien race from Blizzard Entertainment’s Starcraft and Starcraft II hell bent on destruction and evolution. You can play against them and as them. And yes, of course I suck at it. The purple pattern baked into the cake roll is the race’s emblem.
This is also the first recipe given a Four Skillet Difficulty Level. Yes, it is challenging to master. I myself did not, but I’m very satisfied with the results regardless. Would I dare make this cake again? Absolutely. Just let me get some more eggs first. No, really. It is worth the effort to make something this tricky, this pretty, this yummy. It’s worth it.
Admittedly, I almost Herobrine’d out (definition: a personal catastrophe so severe as to cause me to not post) this week. There was a situation on Tuesday evening (June 2nd) that compromised my Battle.net account. Yes, I got hacked. And I responded with a fiery wrath unknown to most mortals to wrest my account from the slimy grip of the trespasser. Fortunately, a live chat with Blizzard Support helped me reclaim all stolen materials in short order. Special shout-out here to Game Master Aerinaeil: You rock! Thanks for restoring my account and sharing my vision with your team. Seriously, you’re great.
I am Groot! I am Groot. I am Groot. I am GROOT. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I. Am. Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot? I am Groot! I am Groot. IamGrootIamGroot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am! GROOT. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I am Groot. I. Am Groot? I am Groot!
I seriously considered writing this entire post as Groot but finally overruled the decision on the grounds that you can’t paste the text into Google Translate and expect to see a recipe. But wouldn’t that be so freaking cool? Admittedly, I was rather later jumping on the Guardians of the Galaxy fandom bus. I also had extremely low expectations going into watching the movie because apparently I’m a cynic. What can I say? I. Was. Blown. Away. Particularly due to the comic relief from Drax and Groot. You can’t not love Groot. Yes, that was a double negative.
Admittedly, this week has been the week of “You are not allowed to have a minute’s peace!”, and consequentially I got started on this project unacceptably late. And I only consider this to be a partial success, of sorts. I think a little better planning with the soft pretzels is in order. While I intend on remaking the pretzels in the next few days I’ll at least give a general overview on this variation.Soft Pretzel Groot in Dirt Pudding Pots for Arbor Day. Are you ready for this? Let’s go.
Yea and verily, it has been a busy week for Skill Up Skillet. Within a couple days of finishing the Adipose Marshmallows I was tasked with making cupcakes for the midnight release of Mortal Kombat X at the local Bridgewater Falls GameStop. Of course, I wasn’t about to simply shell out a box of plain old cupcakes, slap on some frosting, and call it a day (even though a few GameStop employees told me it would work). Nope! This week we’re making ‘surprise inside’ cupcakes decorated Mortal Kombat Minimalist style. Because this is a thing. Each chocolate cupcake has a special core of color (Kore of Kolor? Hmmm…) reflecting the color of the combatant’s mask. I am really tempted to replace words starting with the letter ‘C’ for words starting with the letter ‘K’, following the Mortal Kombat tradition. Reeeeeeeally tempted.
For those of you who might not know:
Red – Ermac
Yellow – Scorpion
Green – Reptile
Blue – Sub-Zero
Silver – Smoke
Stay tuned at the end of the post for several photos taken at the event as well. Ready? Let’s go.