Oi. My apologies for the late post. Though it is Friday, I can attest that the cake is not a lie! As promised, I created an epic Portal Cake for this year’s birthday festivities (read: I spent all day making this cake and NOTHING ELSE). This classic Portal Cake recipe is chock full of decadent dark chocolate, sweet cherries, and creamy homemade whipped cream frosting. That’s right; it’s a black forest cake! Sounds too good to be true, right? Not so. A little elbow grease and a lot of patience will give you the cake of your dreams.
Yes, I see the scary Four Skillet rating up there. It’s not horrifically challenging, but it does take time and effort to make the frosting. And have you ever shaved a bar of baking chocolate with a vegetable peeler? It’s kind of a tedious and messy pain in the ass.
Alas, it’s worth it. It’s so, so worth it. Ready? Let’s go.
At long last (and after 15 hours of decorating) I give you the mother of all cakes: the Minecraft TNT Block Cake. All will bask in its splendor. (I have had two hours of sleep and I want to die a little.) As always, I will be the first to admit to you that I fucked up. Several times, in fact. However, the end result is nothing short of spectacular. Worth repeating? Sure, but not any time soon. I should have known when the craft and grocery store cashiers gave me a spirited pep talk that I was in for it. Do I ever learn?
What makes this cake so challenging, you ask?
The scale. This. Cake. Is. Massive.
Decoration, decoration, decoration.The fondant work is nothing short of intense.
The recipe used for this cake is a red velvet cake recipe with cream cheese frosting. Unfortunately, I’m an idiot and replaced liquid food coloring with gel food coloring because I listened to other people instead of following my instincts. That… is the only significant fuck-up you’ll notice. However, I did end up with a rather lovely, light and fluffy cake so I can’t even be mad. It’s just… not red. Oh bloody well. The flavor is outstanding and the frosting is perfectly creamy, spreadable, and delicious. Even the store-bought fondant (which I’ve never used before in my life) was relatively easy to work with. Even after all the math.
Yes, you read correctly: this cake requires math. It’s not particularly challenging math but it is annoying and repetitive. But hey, if I can do it, absolutely you can do it too.
Unfortunately a little late this week. Looking for more 4th of July appropriate recipes? I think Captain America Fruit Pizza would be right up your alley.
This week I was faced with a hard truth: Our budget did not have any wiggle room this week to pick up any blog related ingredients. I was tasked with making something quick and easy with ingredients we had on hand. Something low key.
In a recent magazine I happened upon an ice cream cake roll, which was the original inspiration for this dish. Sure, I had ice cream, but you can’t have it. Fat Kid Has Spoken. How would you like a classy looking Zerg Cake Roll instead? You would, eh? (Good, because I didn’t make anything else.)
So, what is a ‘Zerg’, anyway? The Zerg are an insect-like alien race from Blizzard Entertainment’s Starcraft and Starcraft II hell bent on destruction and evolution. You can play against them and as them. And yes, of course I suck at it. The purple pattern baked into the cake roll is the race’s emblem.
This is also the first recipe given a Four Skillet Difficulty Level. Yes, it is challenging to master. I myself did not, but I’m very satisfied with the results regardless. Would I dare make this cake again? Absolutely. Just let me get some more eggs first. No, really. It is worth the effort to make something this tricky, this pretty, this yummy. It’s worth it.
Admittedly, I almost Herobrine’d out (definition: a personal catastrophe so severe as to cause me to not post) this week. There was a situation on Tuesday evening (June 2nd) that compromised my Battle.net account. Yes, I got hacked. And I responded with a fiery wrath unknown to most mortals to wrest my account from the slimy grip of the trespasser. Fortunately, a live chat with Blizzard Support helped me reclaim all stolen materials in short order. Special shout-out here to Game Master Aerinaeil: You rock! Thanks for restoring my account and sharing my vision with your team. Seriously, you’re great.