It’s the most magical time of the year again! No, not bloody Christmas– Blizzcon! For Blizzard Entertainment fans around the world, it’s our gentle reminder that we’re not allowed to have money… and you know what? That’s okay. It really is. I’ll be pre-purchasing Legion any day now. Seriously, I am excited for all the things. ALL. THE. THINGS. Don’t ask me why, but I’m only able to play games produced by Blizzard relatively well. Don’t even get me started on my Spirit Beast collection. If you can’t tell, I love Blizzard. Like, A. LOT. Anyway.
For a good portion of the US, temps are starting to fall and leaves are changing color. Fall is here which means comfort food time.So really, it was a wonderful convenience that my work is having a chili cook-off tomorrow. What did I decide to make? Well…
Incidentally, WoW’s Dragonbreath Chili recipe calls for a 200 cooking skill to make and the skill cap is currently 700. That’s about how difficult this is to make IRL- 200/700. And really, that’s because of the peppers. Those damn peppers… I don’t want to talk about it. Nope. This is not your momma’s chili. This is not your daddy’s chili. There are no beans in this chili, because beans have no business in chili.
Ready? Leeeeeeeeeeeroyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…… JEEEEENKINSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (For the uninitiated, educate yourself:)
Gamers, grab your mats:
Mystery meat Small Flame Sac
- 6 jalapeno peppers, seeded and chopped
- 6 habanero peppers, seeded and chopped
- 8 Anaheim peppers, seeded and diced
- 2 green bell peppers (or one red and one yellow if budget permits)
- 1 large yellow onion, diced
- 2 cans beer, one of which is for DRINKING. (I used MadTree Happy Amber because it’s local and pretty damn tasty, as far as beer goes. Don’t have MadTree? Try Honey Brown. Great cooking beer.)
- 1 package (at least 1/2 pound or better) bacon
- 1 pound chorizo (you could use ground pork, but that’s boring)
- 1 pound ground round
- 1 pound steak (You know the stir fry strips you see in the meat department at the grocer’s? Get that.)
- 2 cloves minced garlic
- 1 1/2 tablespoons ground cumin
- 3 tablespoons chili powder
- 2 tablespoons beef or chicken bouillon
- 1 (28 oz.) can crushed tomatoes
- 2 (16 oz.) cans whole peeled tomatoes, drained
- 6 ounces (1 small can) tomato paste
- 3 ounces chili paste (check the Asian foods section)
- 2 cups water
Optional: homemade chili sauce for garnish. I drew a dragon!
DISCLAIMER: WEAR GLOVES WHEN CHOPPING PEPPERS. THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
Start by chopping, dicing, and mincing all of your veggies. This will take a while, but hey. Take your time, do it right, you won’t regret it.
I repeat, for the last time: If you chop and seed these peppers without gloves you are going to have a bad time.
Cut steak into 1/8-1/4″ cubes.
In a large soup/chili pot, cook bacon on medium-high heat until bacon is browned.
Remove bacon from pot, leaving as much bacon fat/grease/artery clogger as possible in the pot. Drain bacon and set aside.
Chuck your ground round, chorizo, and steak into the pot and get everything nicely browned.
Once the meats are browned, stir all of your veggies into the pot.
Add all of your other ingredients to the pot.
Turn the burner down to low and cook for about an hour, stirring occasionally. I might have gotten caught up watching a couple shows and mostly forgot and nothing bad happened. Just make sure nothing sticks, really.
Once that time has passed, chop bacon up and chuck it in the pot, stirring to combine. Cook for an additional 30-60 minutes. Whatever looks right. It’s about two hours of cooking time. No, this isn’t an exact science. Does it look suitably thick and chili-like? Does it smell like delightfully spicy doom? Then it’s ready.
For an added bonus, use a condiment bottle to make a hot sauce dragon.
Goes great with a beer, but keep a glass of milk handy. You’re gonna need it. Now, the wait for World of Warcraft: Legion begins.Your move, Blizzard.
See you tomorrow evening for a special top-secret feature (or two)!
Coming Up Next: November’s Featured Recipe- Bombchu Lemon Bars!
Remember, cooking IRL doesn’t have to be a Feat of Strength!