Chocolate Covered Batman Berries

Difficulty2As you may know, Thursday’s post was Herobrine’d. At the time I called a Category 1 Herobrine, raged a little, and promised a replacement recipe within 24 hours. To be fair, I wasn’t lying. Then things got worse. By ‘worse’, I mean that Skill Up Skillet may be forced to go on an indefinite hiatus due to a possible financial crisis. It’s complicated. Anyway, I can assure you that I will do everything in my power to ensure this does not happen. I will not shut down without a fight.

So, about that replacement recipe. Remember the Zelda Health Potion? Did you make it? Chances are that if you did, you sucked that soup right down without using the fresh garnishing strawberries. But that’s okay, neither did I. It was ridiculously delicious, right? Anyway, here’s my solution to that problem: Chocolate Covered Batman Strawberries, or simply Batman Berries! Naturally, these are dark chocolate covered berries because, come on. Batman. This should really be self explanatory. You could use milk chocolate, sure, but you’d be doing yourself a disservice.

Also, the new Batman game came out. You should probably get in on that. Let me know if it’s any good; I can’t afford it at the moment. Get me HYPED UP. Ready?

Na na na na na na na na, na na na na na na na na LET’S GO.

(I’m sorry.)

Gamers, grab your mats:

  • strawberries you didn’t use for the health potion, or about 1 pint
  • dark chocolate chips – real ones. Don’t buy store brand ‘Chocolatey Chips’ shit. It’s not real, and we’ll talk about that fiasco in a minute. About 2 cups should do.
  • Black decorating icing
  • Yellow decorating icing

Probably you could use your own tinted frosting, but that seemed bulky and a general pain. Candy Melts could work, too, but I prefer the control that this icing gives. Also I’m mad at Candy Melts right now.

Toothpicks are really helpful for this. And that's a #3 tip.
Toothpicks are really helpful for this. And that’s a #3 tip.

If you haven’t done so already, wash those berries. Pat dry. Make sure the berries are completely BONE DRY.

Melt two cups of dark chocolate chips according to package instructions. SOP should be something to the effect of microwave for 30 seconds, stir, 30 seconds, stir, 30 seconds, stir.

IMAG0970
Beautiful, smooth, liquid dark chocolate.

Remember when I said to use real chocolate? Use real chocolate. Why?

Because FUCK YOU, that's why.
Because FUCK YOU, that’s why. This is what happens when you use not-chocolate.

Holding your berry by the leaves/stem, dip your berry into your chocolate.

Roll around a bit to cover as necessary.
Roll around a bit to cover as necessary.

Remove berry from chocolate, shake lightly so any excess chocolate drips off. No, not in your mouth, dammit, you’ll need that excess! I used as little chocolate as possible to avoid waste like that. Not in your mouth; that’s bloody unsanitary! Heathen.

Seriously. Let it drip into the bowl.
Seriously. Let it drip into the bowl.

Place covered berry onto some nonstick baking paper. Apparently I’m out, so I used aluminum foil. Good enough.

Surprisingly, it doesn't stick.
Surprisingly, it doesn’t stick.
Repeat ad infinitum, or until out of berries.
Repeat ad infinitum, or until out of berries.

Allow berries to sit for about 10ish minutes to make sure the shells have dried and hardened. Next, icing.

Pipe a yellow icing oval on the top of your berry with a #3 tip. Don’t press down into the chocolate or it will be messy and won’t look right.

Whee, yellow.
Whee, yellow.

Fill in the oval. You can use a spiral technique or flatten a few blobs of icing to fill it in. You can actually get away with being pretty messy about this part.

Though this one looks a little odd; the icing wasn't flowing properly for the first few berries.
Though this one looks a little odd; the icing wasn’t flowing properly for the first few berries.
You think that took forever? Just wait.
You think that took forever? Just wait.

Do this for all berries, then switch to black icing. Think you can’t make the Baman logo? it’s easy. Start with a set of parentheses:

Detail work, how I love you.
Detail work, how I love you.

Next, add a small ‘v’ at the bottom middle, and a scalloped line at the top. There should be a decent blurb in the center of the scallop. I’m not making much sense, am I? Check it:

Visuals. Visuals make sense.
Visuals. Visuals make sense.

Finish your outline…

Like so.
Like so.

Then fill in the middle. I used a ‘blurb and toothpick’ method. Probably that’s not the real name of the technique.

Aaaaaaand we're done.
Aaaaaaand we’re done.
Haha, just kidding. You've probably got about 20 berries to decorate. Enjoy that. This is when I took a 3 hour Minecraft break.
Haha, just kidding. You’ve probably got about 20 berries to decorate. Enjoy that. This is when I took a 3 hour Minecraft break.
The full spread. My, aren't we just so fancy.
The full spread. My, aren’t we just so fancy.

Bonus Picture: This is the sick kid that partially caused Thursday’s Herobrine. Don’t let the smile fool you; she’s in pain and feels like shit. I told her to smile and fake happy for the camera. Good job, Jessie.

Feed the Chibi Batman.
Feed the Chibi Batman.

There you have it. Again, I am so sorry for the delay but hopefully the quality makes up for it. Easily the worst week in about 11 months or so. Hope you enjoyed! We’ll be back on Thursday for a special 4th of July post I hopefully won’t fuck up.

Coming Up Next: A giant Minecraft TNT Block Cake. With lit sparklers. Yeah, I said sparklers. Did I stutter?

Want to submit your own idea for me to recreate? Yeah? Do it now, what are you even waiting for!? You may well see your request come to life here.

Cheers,

Leisel

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